When I was a young man in my early 20's, I couldn't shake the sin of adult websites, even after several years. And as awful as that is, despite the rest of the world thinking it's fine, that enslavement did keep me in quite a bit of prayer. At times I felt like the tax collector in the parable mentioned in Luke 18. And now sometimes I wonder if I'm more like the pharisee in the parable, which of course isn't a good thing. I still fall prone to anger and sloth and many other sins, sometimes perhaps worse than the sin I used to do, but I don't pray quite as much for forgiveness now, or even pray as often for any other reason. I think I primarily pray now for guidance during life's upcoming challenges.
But even if I was closer to God then than I am now, I can't WILLINGLY go back to the sin that God delivered me from 16 or so years ago. Biblically it would be like a dog returning to its vomit. That's a path I can't knowingly justify. It may still happen, but if it does I won't be happy about it and I believe I will be quite devastated.
It kind of reminds me though of my favorite episode of Star Trek The Next Generation, the one titled Tapestry. Where Picard learns that the unflattering parts of your past are so engrained in your life story that you can't really unravel them, and even if you could it would lead to unexpected and potentially undesirable consequences. I might have mentioned that episode in this blog before because I love it so much, even though I am not sure if the message is 100% true.
But if I ever need to be reminded of my continued sin, all I need to do is read about turning the other cheek regarding personal affronts. That's a HARD verse to obey and I definitely know I'm guilty of not obeying it.
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